Have you ever felt that you want something for yourself and at the same time you feel guilty for wanting it? Have you felt that you can be the most generous person at one time and at another time you can be quite mean. Have you wondered if you are a bad person for doing or saying something that may have hurt a loved one? You are not alone! Almost everyone feels like this at some point in their lives. So why does one feel like this you may ask? The answer is not so simple, yet I'm going to try and answer it in the best way I can. Every person has different sides to themselves. These are calles as parts of self. Consider your personality to be a jigsaw puzzle. A puzzle is made up of different pieces. They all come together to make the whole puzzle complete.
That's essentially what parts of you do. Different parts of you, the ones you like, the ones you may not like and the ones you just can't tolerate, they all come together to make you the person you are. The parts of us that we like, we are very comfortable with. Those qualities are generally the ones that we display more often than not, to ourselves and the outside world. For example, if you are an extrovert, you will probably find yourself talking to new people with ease and will be more social. Or if you like the quality of kindness within you, you will find yourself helping people more often and will be someone that can be reliable in times of need. But what about some qualities that we don't like in ourselves or even others? Most times, we push them down and don't let them come out so easily. Or sometimes blame ourselves for having a flaw or a quality we don't like. For example if one has anger issue, he either will blame self for getting angry or you deny that he has an anger issue altogether or blame it on others. Or if we get jealous of a friend's success, we may feel very guilty for feeling that way. Or on the other extreme, we may try and sabotage their success so that we can feel better. This happens because we are uncomfortable with those parts of ourselves that either we or people around us think are negative. But these are the very parts that help you become whole. If you did not accept them as your own, it would be like a half done jigsaw puzzle. The pretty pieces may still be there but it would never be complete or whole. The idea of unconditional acceptance which is so much in vogue these days for its healing quality that takes us to self love, cannot be achieved unless we accept even the darker parts of ourselves. So how does one accept these parts? And does accepting them mean they are ok and we don't need to change them? Accepting these parts means sitting down with yourself and looking into the mirror. Being absolutely honest with yourself about every quality you posses. The love, the anger, the jealousy, the compassion, the kindness, the rigidity, the grief, the insecurities, everything. Allowing yourself to feel who you are with all of these and still loving yourself through it. As if you were loving a small child that was angry. Giving it kind words and telling him it will be alright. Being angry does not make him a bad child. You would probably show him how to express that anger in a healthy way. Knowing that we are human beings with the potential to have both the good and bad in us is the key to self acceptance and self love. Once we begin accepting all parts of ourselves, we feel the shift in us. We make space for healing to occur. We slowly understand the reasons those parts were formed and begin to sooth them. The very parts that we could not stand and hated in us, we now give them love and compassion. It creates a beautiful bridge between who we are right now and who we want to become. All parts of ourselves are important to be acknowledged and loved in equal measures. They all make up for who we are, the fallible yet beautiful human experience.